To Feel
by Kadge Rose-Feather
Summary: Ed is brought back as a homunculus by his brother, who loses a leg and most of his sanity in the process. Mustang has to take care of homunculus!Ed until Alphonse is well enough to decide what to do about 'it'. -I guess it's AU. Not really set at any time in the story, just using the characters and a scenario. RoyEd if you squint. Mild Royai ; RoyRiza. Pride!Ed. Parental!Roy.
1. A Homunculus is Born

**To Feel  
**

* * *

_Kadge Rose-Feather_

* * *

A flash - eyes opening to see colours I have no names for.

I am... _Forming_, slowly, I can _feel_ it.

_Feel?_

The heavy smell of acrid smoke, the metallic taste of blood now, on my _tongue._

Am I alive?

I have been forced into existence from my lack thereof; I haven't existed before and I feel broken, somehow.

_Existence..._

Sound waves hit me: the pained sounds of sobbing, dry heaving and rough, laboured _coughing._

I try to form words, but nothing coherent comes out except for a sort of harrowing, disgusting and inhuman moaning noise.

_Red_ - that is the colour that flashes.

More awful, bloody smells and agonised sobbing, though it's louder, this time.

_Words,_ from the same source as the sobbing; screaming something out over and over again in a harsh, hopeless way.

"Brother? _Brother?!"_

It is a young _boy's_ voice.

Gurgling sounds from my lips, as a black liquid fights its way out. I feel so _dirty._

... And then footsteps, resonating from the doorway of this small room. Footsteps not belonging to the young boy, whose breath hitches.

_Breath..._

I inhale curiously, gurgling more as I exhale. I hear a sadistic laugh from the owner of the footsteps, who has walked straight past the boy and over to the decrepit form that is _me._

_Me..._

_Myself?_

The smoke clears, if only a little and I can make out the boy who waltzed in with his long, dark green hair and awfully twisted smirk.

His grin widens more, impossibly, as I blink and try to copy the expression.

Then he laughs again.

The boy at the other end of the room, still snivelling painfully, calls out in a shaky voice,

"E-Envy? W-what are y-you-"

Envy turns quickly to him, snapping, _"Shut up, you stupid brat!"_

Then Envy swivels back to me smoothly, bending down slowly and studying my face. His predatory smile does not inspire fear within me, but it makes my brain tingle strangely.

Gently, Envy pushes small, smooth red rocks into my mouth, and suddenly my _stomach_ comes alive with a newfound sense of _hunger._

_Taste..._

Even though they only taste slightly plain and mostly bitter, my body aches with a heated, painful yearning for them.

I feel myself taking on a more anthropomorphic form as Envy shoves more of the red gems into my mouth.

Eventually, I am grasping onto Envy's arm with my own new _limb_, able to move my mouth and _speak_ with _words._

"More,_ more!" _I scream, but all speaking seems to result in is Envy losing all of his patience with me. He pushes me roughly away, causing me to skid backwards into the wall.

... And it _hurts_ upon impact.

I whine as a newborn child unable to sleep would.

Envy snorts disgustedly, walking casually back to the younger boy and dropping all of the magical red gems into his shaking, blood-covered hands.

"He said that it had to be fed, but he never said that _I_ would have to be the one doing the feeding." Envy tells the boy who is still crying, before walking swiftly out of the room.

Time passes and my pain is forgotten, my new _hunger_ causing my stomach to growl with its guttural longing.

"_Hung-greee..._" I moan, dragging my broken body over to the boy who now has the rocks.

There is a red, sticky puddle surrounding him and as I move closer, the boy struggles to move back.

_"More..." _ I mutter sadly, though suddenly the door behind is thrown open and this time there is a light pouring out of it and a tall, dark-haired man holding it open.

"Alphonse!" The man calls into the room, his voice strong and commanding.

The boy, however, starts to emit a high-pitched whining noise upon seeing me with light cast over my body.

I push myself up and onto him, smiling like I saw Envy do and eating the red rocks out of the palms of his shaking hands.

_Smile._

He screams agonisingly, _annoyingly._

I think I may be sitting on one of his legs that are very short and pouring out the red liquid that caused the puddle that surrounds us, though I am not positive.

Finishing the rocks, I feel calmer and more content. I look up at _Alphonse _to express my appreciation, but a brusque pair of hands rips me away from behind.

I didn't notice him walk in.

The man from the doorway holds me in a firm grip, as a lady with blonde hair lighter than the boys wraps a blanket around Alphonse's shoulders and picks him gently up.

"Al, you - surely you didn't." The man whose arms encase me whispers, looking at my face with a roiling mix of anger and sadness. Al is crying again, though this time it is more dignified and contained; _quieter._

Bored, I stick my tongue out at the man whose arms I am in, giggling as I do so.

The man flinches, setting me back down on the ground.

But I have _legs_ and _feet_ now, so I stand, still giggling a little as Alphonse begins to sob.

"Hawkeye... What will we _do_?" The man's words are so pained and hopeless that they almost make me frown for a moment.

The woman's voice, though level and calm, shakes towards the end of her sentence.

"We have to get Alphonse to a hospital first, sir. Everything else can come later."

She pauses for a moment in the doorway, her back to _Sir_ and me.

"Is it...?" She leaves the question open, almost hopefully.

The man's head drops down as he takes a strong hold of my shoulder.

"No, I'm afraid not. _It_ clearly has an ouroboros tattoo." The man mutters, following it up with an exhausted sigh.

The man starts to shepherd me along behind _Hawkeye_ and _Alphonse_. We walk at a hurried pace- the building we are in is old and abandoned, and the long open corridors simply make me want to run around.

"Sir?" Hawkeye asks in a monotone.

"What is it, lieutenant?"

A slight pause from the woman.

"We mustn't let sentimentality get in the way of business."

A hitch in the man's stride, in which I take the opportunity to fumble out of his grasp and start running down the corridor.

Even though I come to a halt at the end of the hall, waiting for the others to keep up, I realise that I seem to have startled the man, because he's rushed towards me and is aiming something small and black.

His chest rises and falls furiously, his eyes shining.

"Homunculus, stay still."

I stick my tongue out at him.

"Why? Is this a game?" I ask curiously, tilting my head to one side.

The man snatches my arm up in his grasp and begins to pull me through another room. I notice that the woman and the boy have already left, probably to go to that _hospital._

I smile up at the man with dark hair, who doesn't seem to appreciate the gesture at all, muttering colourfully under his breath.

* * *

**Yep, I really shouldn't of started this instead of working on and finishing my other story, but oh well...**

_**Equivalent ****exchange..**_**_._ I write, you review.**


	2. Chapter One: Confusion and Coffee

**Chapter One**

**_Confusion and Coffee_**

* * *

_Kadge Rose-Feather_

* * *

"Where are we going?" I ask the man as he pulls me up cement stairs and into a large brick building.

"My apartment." He grumbles after a while, refusing to look at me.

We arrive at a door, which the man opens, flinging me none-too-gently inside.

There is a tinny clicking noise as he fumbles with something at the door.

He drags a hand across his face, sighing again at the sight of me.

"Go get some clothes on." He tells me, walking off to another room.

_Apartment..._

I follow along behind the man.

"I don't know where _clothes_ are. What's your name?"

After some hesitation, he tells me to refer to him as 'Mustang'.

He begins moving around the _kitchen_ with shaky hands, preparing something.

"_Mustang, _what are you doing?" I ask, watching everything with a vivid fascination that he tries his best to just ignore.

The man still doesn't meet my eyes, keeping his answer's short and to the point.

"Making coffee."

"_Coffee..._ Mustang, what's coffee?"

The whistling of the _kettle_ startles me for a second.

"It's a drink." He mumbles darkly, still avoiding my gaze.

"Can I have some _coffee_?" I ask excitedly, clinging to the man's waist. He pushes me off of him in hurry.

"No!"

I frown.

"But I _want_ some!" I whine, trying to wrap myself around him again. He keeps me at bay, frowning with equal intensity, his fiercely dark eyes staring _directly_ at me now.

"Just because you want something, doesn't mean you're necessarily going to get it."

I pull on the material of his pants, frowning sulkily up at him. I drop my voice down into a husky moan.

"Why won't you let me have _coffee_?"

He stiffens slightly at my tone of voice, walking out of the room without picking up his coffee and without answering me.

I take the opportunity to try the strange drink, although upon the first hot and darkly bitter sip, I drop the cup as if it were poisoning me.

It smashes on the floor, showering dark _coffee_ and porcelain everywhere. I smile brightly, picking up another coffee cup and throwing it against the wall.

The smashing noise that it makes excites me to no end, and I jump up and down on the pale tiled floor.

Unfortunately, I'm not very mindful of where the cup originally containing coffee smashed and I slip and fall onto broken porcelain shards, moaning miserably.

Mustang rushes into the room, throwing the _clothes_ he'd been holding behind him onto the carpet and cursing out loud.

"Ed, what did you do?!" He screams at me, staring at the blood that has poured from my body. I pull myself up, frowning at the coffee cup fragments embedded in my skin.

"I don't like coffee…" I murmur as Mustang pulls me up, dragging me away to his bathroom.

He turns two silver knobs, and the white tub starts to fill up with water. I gleam at the shining transparent liquid excitedly. It looks much nicer than dirty old _coffee._

_"Ow!" _I scream out as Mustang unexpectedly pulls a sharp shard of porcelain from my skin. He shows it to me calmly, before trying to pull out another one. I don't like the pain pulling them out causes, so I wriggle away from him and try to run away.

But this time, Mustang's prepared and he holds onto my arm with a vice-like grip, making me whimper.

"Hold still." He tells me calmly, but I shake my head and kick at him.

"No, I don't want to!" I scream, biting down on one of Mustang's fingers. He frees my arm with a loud curse, but only to hit me across the head harshly enough to bring me crashing to the floor again.

The embedded shards sting unbearably.

"I told you, to hold _still._" Mustang mutters through clenched teeth, pulling out as many pieces of porcelain as he can get to.

I begin to cry pathetically.

Mustang ignores me until he's pulled all of the coffee cup fragments out, and then he pulls me up gently, leading me to the bathtub and settling me into it.

He doesn't say sorry, but guilt, regret and sorrow are etched all over his face.

"Don't move." Mustang tells me sharply, locking the door on the way out. I'm guessing he's going to clean up the mess I made in the kitchen.

I trace patterns on my skin, smiling to myself and revelling in the warmth of the water.

* * *

In _boxers_ and a large white shirt that doesn't fit me properly, I jump up and down on Mustang's bed and laugh.

The man gets dressed with a close eye on me, though he turns his back on me once he's stripped off his boxers.

I giggle at his embarrassment and launch myself onto his back.

Mustang stumbles forward a few steps, pushing me hastily off.

"W-what do you think you're doing?!" He shouts, quickly pulling on some new boxers.

I laugh and try to pull them down from the back.

"Homunculus, _stop it!_" Though his voice sounds firm, his face is heated and red.

I laugh again, running around him in circles.

He grabs a fistful of my long hair, pulling me to a painful halt.

"Oww! Mustang, what the hell?" I mutter, frowning distastefully at him.

Mustang lets go of my hair and flings me up onto the bed roughly, cheeks still bright red.

"Don't come near me, homunculus." He growls angrily, pulling on pyjama pants in a hurry.

I pout sulkily, rolling over onto my back and looking up at the older man.

"You called me 'Ed' earlier." I tell him sadly, rolling over again onto my belly. "Why are you calling me 'homunculus' now?"

His face stays completely blank, though he turns to a childish tactic.

"Why does it matter to you, homunculus?"

I frown, jumping up and kicking Mustang in the back. He stumbles a little, furrowing his brow.

"You can't-" He starts to chastise me, but I cut him off.

"_Because I don't like it!_ I want to be called Ed, you patronising bastard!"

Mustang raises an eyebrow in surprise, stepping toward me with some strange mix of hope and apprehension shining in his eyes.

"Calm down, then. Stop being so damn violent and maybe I will!" He snaps.

I giggle, a smile spreading across my face.

"You will? Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed!" I chant, jumping up and down on the king mattress. Mustang sighs, fingers clenching the bridge of his nose.

"That's not calming down…" He whispers irately, but I barely notice.

For some reason, being referred to as Ed makes me unbearably happy.

"Stop jumping on my bed, now." Mustang commands coldly. I smile at him, jumping onto his bare chest like a child, taking him off guard.

He puts me under the covers, where I settle, before sealing the door by drawing something on it.

I don't understand, and I'm about to question Mustang about it, but sleep starts to steal me away, fatigue washing over me in waves.

When Mustang climbs under the covers, muttering something about only having one bed in the house and not trusting me to sleep on the couch, I curl up close to his chest and abandon myself to slumber.

* * *

I wake up in a car, with plain clothes and a strange hat on my head.

Drowsily, I pull myself up and stare at the man and woman who are in the front.

"Who are you?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.

The man in the passenger seat turns slowly to me and I recognise him as Mustang.

"Stay lying down." He tells me shortly, turning back around to face the front.

I frown, looking over at the driver, who happens to be Hawkeye.

"What's going on?" I ask, voice rising.

Mustang shushes me calmly, telling me to lie down again.

"We can't let anyone see you. I have to go into work and write a report on… What happened with Alphonse. Higher-ups will be suspicious if I don't. You can't come in, but Riza is going to wait with you. Okay?"

I nod resignedly, lying back down in the back seat lazily.

Hawkeye watches Mustang longingly as he leaves.

I laugh at her, climbing forwards into the front seat.

"You're supposed to stay in the back." She tells me, though there's no force behind it.

I smirk, pulling the corners of her lips upwards. Riza pushes me off roughly, holding my hand away from her. I pout.

"Can't we go and do something?" I ask, kicking my legs in irritation. Her face a mask of apathy, she tells me to be quiet.

I sigh dramatically, and we wait together until Mustang gets back.

* * *

"Goodbye, Lieutenant." Mustang addresses Hawkeye, as Mustang will be staying home 'sick' to keep an eye on me, while she'll keep up with work.

"Goodbye, sir."

_The look on her face says that she'd do anything for this man…_

I rock back and forth as the car moves, sick of sitting still.

"Mustang, can we go do something? I don't want to go back to your cruddy apartment…"

Mustang frowns.

"What would you suggest we do… _Ed?" _

I cluck my tongue once, looking out the window.

"I'm not sure… I don't really _know_ anything, anymore…"

_Anymore, Ed?_

Mustang keeps his gaze away from me, though his eyes seem to glisten more than usual.

"Well we can't go out anywhere that anyone would recognise your face, so we have very limited options." He states impassively.

I'm a little surprised that he'd even want to at all. Desperately, I try to think of a place we could go, something we could do. But before I can even say anything, Mustang seems to come to a decision, and it sets resolutely on his face.

* * *

**Sorry it's so short and that I don't update regularly...**

**Also, it's not specific enough, but Mustang was going to drink coffee about lunchtime, not before going to bed... xD There's just time-skips, you know? Hopefully you do.**

**I changed a few things and edited the introduction, so it'd probably be a smart idea to go back and re-read that...**

**Thanks so much for reading! I hope it wasn't too terrible. But, if you did keep reading, it can't of been that bad, eh? ;)**

**Please tell me any thoughts, feelings or ideas you have on this story. Should I continue or not? Love, like or hate?**


	3. Chapter Two: Cows?

**Chapter Two**

_**Cows?**_

* * *

Kadge Rose-Feather

* * *

When Mustang opens the door for me to exit, I can't wipe the smile off of my face. We've been driving for a long time to get here.

"What did you say to the man?" I ask in a whisper full of excitement.

Mustang tries his best to keep his face impassive, but the beginnings of a smirk creep their way onto his face.

"I told him that you are my nephew, a child with immense mental disabilities that has always wanted to see farm animals in the flesh." He tells me- but this time he can't keep the tone of his voice so monotonous.

There are several different paddocks filled with various animals of different sizes and colours. Among the largest paddock, there are many _cows_ trundling around on a pale green _hill_, a large and lonely tree seated right at the top.

Eyes wide and beaming, I and try to run towards the cows in the field, but Mustang maintains a tight grip on my shoulder.

"You must be calm or you'll startle them. Approach them very slowly. The farmer told me that you must be very careful- the animals are often cranky. "

I nod a little, and his grip disappears.

As I walk up to the cows, I am surprised by their eyes. Big, round and full of life, despite their seemingly lethargic lifestyles and lack of sentient intelligence.

Without meaning to, I find myself reaching a hand out to stroke one, and the cow bows his head so that I can. I stroke his head gently, the smile on my face growing in intensity.

"Mustang, they really like me!" I call out, and Mustang jogs up the hill apprehensively, pulling me away suddenly.

"Why are you-?" I question, looking around to see that all the cows have circled us. Though they radiate kindness and absolutely no ill-intent, Mustang seems slightly _scared_ by them.

"What did you do?" He asks me lowly, almost sounding threatening. I frown and pull away from him.

"What do you mean? I was calm and careful, just like you told me to be!" I growl. The cows back off a little at my use of tone, all except the one I was patting earlier.

"Cows don't usually behave like this…" Mustang trails off cautiously, grabbing my hand again.

"Let's go, homunculus, we're leaving." Again, I rip my hand out of Mustang's.

"I thought you said you'd start calling me Ed! I've been doing everything you say, so why would you call me _that!" _I scream. For some reason, the use of that name makes me really, _really_ angry. It feels more like a label that you'd give to an object that you were going to throw away. The cow from before moves closer to me, nudging it's big soft head into my side worriedly. I rub its head to keep it distracted, and unconsciously I find myself cooing to keep it calm.

Mustang's eyes flash.

"Keep your voice _down_. Don't start this now. We're _leaving_, okay?" He grits out between his teeth.

I walk a couple steps away from Mustang, the cow in toe.

"But _why_, Mustang? We only just got here- I've only got to see the cows yet!" I moan childishly, continuing to pet the cow that seems to have taken a liking to me. The rest of the cows are massed right behind us.

Mustang can no longer keep a lid on his anger. "_Now!" _He whisper-shouts harshly. Marching right towards me, he wrenches me away from the animals with all of his strength, pulling me quickly back down the hill.

But the cows can smell his intent.

The one I was patting earlier begins to rush towards us, mooing sadly. I call back to it that it's okay, that I'll be back soon, but that just makes Mustang pull me away faster.

As we get in the car, the old farmer is coming out of his house with a perplexed expression on his face, the cows all still mooing loudly.

Mustang drives away before he has time to question us, mumbling about how he is thankful that the man did not properly see his face.

I pout.

"Why did you pull me away from the cows, Mustang? They were just excited to make a friend…" I mumble angrily, glaring daggers at the man who stays impassive and silent as I simmer next to him, arms crossed.

"Answer me!" I yell, which also elicits no reaction. I pinch Mustang's hand, and he swats me away without looking at me, but this does get him to answer.

"There must have been something wrong with the cows." He tells me, hands clenched tightly around the wheel. But I can tell he is lying, and I say so.

"You're lying. The cows were very friendly and kind; there was nothing wrong with them."

Mustang furrows his brows irately.

"Just drop it, please." He says, but even this only enflames my anger more.

"Why aren't you calling me Ed anymore?! You said that you'd call me Ed if I calmed down and stopped acting violently, and that's all I've been doing, so why aren't you calling me Ed?"

"Because you're not Ed, that's why!" Mustang snaps angrily, turning his head towards me briefly and levelling me with a cold and sad stare. He continues very slowly. "You're not Ed… Ed could never have done that- and he wouldn't have wanted to, either. You aren't Edward."

I remain silent for the rest of the trip, wondering why Mustang's words have bothered me so much.

* * *

When we get back and I go into Mustang's room to get changed, he closes the door behind me.

As I'm stripping my shirt off, the doorknob begins to glow red before a strange symbol is burned into it. Panicking, I rush to the door and try to open it.

It is slightly warm- but it does not budge.

"Mustang?!" I call out, tears starting to form in my eyes for some unknown reason.

I hear no reply from behind the door, though I do hear Mustang's feet as he shuffles away.

"Mustang, what'd you do to the door?!" I scream, pounding on it with my fists.

I don't take a moment to calm myself. Rather, I rush to Mustang's bedside table and fling open the drawer looking for something sharp.

I find a key, and although it does not open the door, I unconsciously start scratching at the doorknob with it.

In a couple of minutes, there is a red flash similar to what Mustang did, and my hand is burning slightly.

But the door opens.

I sigh and calm down.

Then I look at the doorknob again, where the symbol is that I scratched onto it.

_How… How did I do that?_

Wiping my eyes, I walk out to find Mustang. He's seated in his study, on the _phone_ to someone.

"I don't know what to tell you, Al. It's similar to Edward in some ways… But it's not Ed. It's very different. I don't think it would be best for you to see it just yet… You need to focus on healing. Yes, that is final. Have Winry call me when you're feeling less feverish."

_'It'… _

I step into the room glaring at Mustang.

"How did you-?" He starts, but I cut him off.

"I want to see my brother!" I shout, hands balled into fists at my sides. Mustang frowns.

"He isn't your brother, and I don't think that would be wise." He tells me calmly, standing apprehensively and moving forwards slowly.

Confused, I back away until I'm at the front door of the apartment. But the same symbol Mustang used before is there. Looking down at the key still in my hand, I try to remember how I carved my own symbol before, but can't.

Then I hear Mustang coming closer and something in me takes over, scratching it furiously fast.

Before long, the door is opened and I rush down the large cement stairs and onto the street, realizing briefly that I don't have a shirt on. I can hear Mustang behind me shouting and swearing though, so I run faster.

I take off down the street, running faster and faster and not seeming to get tired, bumping into people carelessly and not paying even the mildest amount of attention to where I am headed.

* * *

**Yeah, It's pretty crap... I'll clean it up later...**

**Tired and I wanted to post it so blahh**

**If you do happen to read it, would it really be so much trouble to leave a review? It would really mean a lot to me...**

**Cya next time**

**xxx**


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